My PMAD Story

The purpose of this site is to give an honest personal account of my experience with Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder (PMAD). This condition, frequently referred to as “postpartum depression” or “PPD,” is far more common than most people think. Some people have only heard of it from the extreme cases in which a mother (usually suffering postpartum psychosis) causes harm to her children, or from celebrities who admit to having it.┬áThe reality is that roughly 1 in 5 mothers experience PMAD. With numbers like that, it is very likely that most people know someone who had (or has) it.

Women who suffer from PMAD often don’t speak about how they are feeling because these feelings are taboo, stigmatized, and treated as something that must be kept behind closed doors. These women often feel ashamed because they are not living up to the ideal of the “good mother.” I am documenting my experience in the hopes of shedding light on what PMAD looks like, what struggles women who experience it may go through, and how you can help someone you know who may be suffering.

Please read the following disclaimers before proceeding:

  • Trigger warning: Depression, Anxiety, Self-Injury
  • This is my personal experience, and as such, this site is strictly my opinions or points of view (unless I cite or link to official source information). I am aware that some of the thoughts, feelings, and opinions expressed on this site are one-sided, flimsy, or misguided. That is the point of documenting from the perspective of someone suffering PMAD
  • At the time of writing this, I am still experiencing PMAD symptoms and am still struggling to overcome it. Feel free to comment on any of the posts here, but please be mindful that you are addressing someone who is still fighting every day with a real mental health issue. The comments are set to be moderated, and I am not going to pretend that this is an “everyone can say whatever they want” site – if your comment is mean or hurtful, it will just be deleted.
  • I am not a medical or mental health professional, I am just a new mom trying to figure out what the fuck I’m doing
  • Oh, and language warning, too, I guess